It’s been a while since I posted anything about homeschooling. That’s because, many days, I want to forget that this word even exists. (Too harsh? Sorry!) It’s just that it is hard! Really hard! Do I love the time with my kids? Of course! Is it awesome to have pajama days and start at 9:00 am? Absolutely!
But let’s be real…I am the sole educator of my children each and every day. That is A LOT of pressure!
I feel like I was a pretty good teacher (a great teacher, and one who loved what I did) when I was in the public school classroom. But friends…85% of the time I feel like a failure at this homeschool gig. 7th grade algebra was hard when I went through it the first time! Teaching it to my own child is torture! (Probably more so for her!) Teaching my sweet boy how to read is not what I expected it to be. I am a reading specialist, for goodness sakes! I have taught NUMEROUS STRUGGLING readers how to read, helped teachers be successful in this area, helped other parents know what to do to help their children with dyslexia, but my own child…IT’S TOUGH! I beat myself up constantly when our day is not exciting. We have to get through ALL of the lessons everyday, or I feel as though we have failed. I want my kids to love every minute of our little homeschool day, and if they don’t seem “happy”, I kind of freak out! (It’s true. Ask my kids.)
Here’s what I am learning though: it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful! It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful! I like to say that a few times in a row, to help it sink in to my thick skull! I know that I used to feel the pressure when I taught kids every day in public school, and I felt even more pressure when I worked with those kids that struggled more than others. (A majority of my teaching was to those struggling kiddos.) I loved those kids that came through my classroom and still think of many of them each day and have ALWAYS wanted the best for them. But…I want SO MUCH MORE for my own kids, and that is what makes this gig harder than ever!
We’re going to be okay, and I know that there are so many benefits to homeschooling. Most of all, I know that I prayed for 9 years to get to be home with my children, and the Lord answered that prayer in a bigger way than I could have imagined. (I learned that I should pray very specifically, or sometimes God gives us an added bonus, like homeschooling! Ha! Ha!) So, when I am weary, downhearted, and want to give up; on those days when I just want to load up the kids and drive them down the mountain to the public school; on the days when I have lost my mind and yelled and said things I wish I hadn’t…I stop and pray and ask the Lord to take over and remind me of why He has entrusted me to this task. He does! He always reminds me and for that I am grateful!
So, tomorrow morning at 9:00 am, we will come downstairs and get our day started. We will laugh, work hard, and keep trucking on this “homeschool” gig.